Since my breakthrough experience in December 2014, it has mostly been back to a silent and seemingly inactive period. Between no dream recall to improved, and a number of brief lucid dreams since then. One of them very well worth mentioning was, as I see it, given to me by my 11 year old son Leo on my fiftieth birthday in January 2015.. He had made me a drawing, and within a certain geometry of that drawing he had written “lucid dream” (he knows about my slight LD/OBE obsession). Later that night this shape triggered lucidity in a dream, I was amazed, and it was truly one of the best gifts I´ve recieved in my life.
Vibrations and energy sensations
It´s around 06:50 am writing this sentence and I feel deep seated, semi soft vibrations at the core of my body, extending spherically, encapsulating the whole body, with a fall off and accentuated areas like my lower legs and throat.
Tonight I woke up with the strongest vibrations in a long while, and it came with high pitched tones which was rising continuosly in pitch. It also came with the strongest exit sensations to date while being fully conscious, and a slightly racing heart beat. I tried to relax into it, knowing very well what it was about, but that was as far as it got this time. I had some initial hypnogogic geometric imagery, but eventually I fell asleep again.
Computer or consciousness malfunction?
One thing puzzled me and it was that I had my laptop by my side (for listening to binaurals at bedtime) and I know it had turned of due to low battery, but i disctincly remember seeing it on while opening one eye, and this was definitely after it had turned itself off. A micro lucid dream?
A slow journey in Kundalini land
These kinds of sensations began some time after my meditation efforts became more effective around 2012 so I´ve come to learn and recognize them in waves since then. Feeling them as strongly as I did tonight made me make a few new connections to previous experiences and information from others and videos I´ve come across. In autumn 2013 I had the exact same head sensations as tonight, but during the day while fully immersed in practical and mundane matters. Another online friend (Dayna) in these topcis called it an “energy helmet” and it fits – like a glove… 😉 During tonight’s energy events I realised that this points to the possibility – or risk, depending on one´s viewpoint – of going out of body at any time. Night or day. Although, in this way it would be completely out of my active control which is not preferable to me. So, even if my progress seems slow and awkward at times, I´m also grateful for the slow movement which gives me time to integrate what´s happening. There´s no sense in having experiences that is toying with you uncontrollably.
Do I want to put the cart in front of the horse?
Even physicist, consciousness researcher and author Tom Campbell talks about the kundalini (model) energy events (he had his own period of going through it when he was younger). His view is that it should be allowed to emerge naturally, without being forced (which is possible). He calls it an upgrade to the avatar, that is put in place when there is a new need that can´t be met by the avatar’s present status – which resonates strongly with me. About pushing it he says; there´s no sense in “putting the cart in front of the horse”. Others have also made a case for caution, and I go with that. Without complaints, but sometimes with a sense of being deeply lost.
A brief look at my life´s journey
In my early twenties I got into a state of mind that was very complicated. Like a tension through my whole being that somehow passed some kind of threshold almost from one day to the next. I had no one around me aware enough to help. I didn´t even know what to ask for, and I was worthless at guiding myself. I´ve lived in this dark place almost my whole adult life, around 25 years. Contained it under a surface of normality. But it has manifested all kinds of issues and problems for myself and those around me. It is very clear that it takes time to change this around in a healthy and successful manner. There´s alot of energy in place to move around and transform. Internally as well as externally. Meditation, from around the end of 2011, was the beginning of breaking through the crust built up through the years. The years until now have been like wading through mud – and still is. Not unlike Eben Alexanders NDE account, it has beens like being stuck for eons in dark muck without any concept on how to leave it at all. Crisis were bound to emerge…
Philosophically between 2011-2015 I´ve gone through (mainly) Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle and Adyashanti, and things keep falling into place, piece by piece. It has helped in breaking down old worldviews. I have landed pretty comfortbly in Tom Campbell’s virtual reality theory, called My Big TOE, and this is what I´m currently use as a ground for my efforts in consciousness exploration. But I have a small war going on between non-duality and MBT (My Big TOE). One is simply never completely done it seems.
Nevertheless, some paradoxes resolved, some added knowledge and much painstakingly removed. I´m increasingly a human being headed towards living in as much love I can understand, build and take in. I aim to take 100% responsibility for my actions and reactions, which I increasingly convert into more aware responses. I see that everyone else is also struggling in about the same ways, in their own ways. So, I´m at a much better place than I´ve ever been in my adult life, seeing how things can change in small increments if you stick to some foundational and fundamental intentions.
To sum it up…
Last night’s energy events, I can almost without a shadow of a doubt connect to recent events, and new succesful ways of relating in the world and towards others. A higher order of intelligence, that has nothing to do with me personally, is moving in piece by piece and it will take the time it must. This is to me the meaning of the conecpt of grace. I can easily see how the current energy development fits into the larger picture of my life and I am very grateful for the information I´ve come across in the last years and for the kind, warm, intelligent and knowledgable people I´ve come across that I can share this journey with.
Thank you for your attention!