Sleeplessness and music making

Several days of losing much sleep every night takes its toll.

With some regularity now, I have this sense of feeling energies strongly – like someone else (not me, an external influence) just pushed the ON-button somewhere, a few days before a full moon. I’m just wide awake. Like my soul had way too much spiritual caffeine on its nightly secret travels!

Kundalini Latte anyone?

It is consistent enough to make me reflect on it. But to make any sense of it? No. Apparently I must simply be content with the act of recognition. There is a lot of training pertaining to one’s awareness and maturity in general, in terms of consciousness evolution, and particularly to anything relating to non-physical awareness. Mostly, I’m grateful because I have now much better general feel for it than a only a few years back.

Vibrations in the core of by being. Lots of the ringing ears, multiple modulated frequencies coming in waves. Some call it downloads. It is always the same symptoms that comes on strongly when I’m about to lucid dream, or have a conscious projection, an OBE / astral projection. My intuition is that it is some kind of general preparation going on, but I just can’t make much logical sense of it here in an Earth, 3D setting, from within the limited human awareness. I just know there’s more going on than what I can be consciously aware of.

Thankfully,  I’ve moved from being very eager to get “out there” and explore to a much more laid back position that basically is fine with waiting lifetimes for things of an extra-physical nature to unfold naturally. Organic growth can’t really be forced, and I do feel that there are effects even if I’m not pushing actively for the experiences now. Not that I don’t ever try to get over the threshold, but I rather stay curious about how it feels being on the verge and easing into whatever experience wanting to get through than pushing manically to produce anything at whatever cost.

Music making

It has really been moved to the foreground in the recent months. Productivity – and quality of output – is increasing and especially in terms of getting things done. Still there is a lot to be done in that respect, but the difference is quite huge. With the computer as the main tool, there has been an incredible explosion, in recent years, of instruments and tools, Much of my focus has been of a technical nature. A necessary learning in an area that just keeps expanding exponentially on a daily basis. I have more tools than I know what to do with, but I am getting better at focusing on the content – the heart of music making.

Two very different animals (not the cows!) are evolving simultaneously. Excursions into saturated overloaded pulsating Electronica and walks through light hearted, acoustic sounding vistas. This piece, however, has a jazzy feel to it.

Eyes – and heart – open. Life happens for you, not to you. Embrace everything.

Thank you!


Sleeplessness and music making

Sync on “cost” from last night’s dream

A video posted on Facebook page “Cracking The Nutshell” synced well with the weird message of last night’s dream “”The real cost of compositing”. In this video, Carl Sagan speaks of “the cost of losing one dimension” and “the penalty of projection”.

Sync on “cost” from last night’s dream

Dream Log: New York Attic (The Real Cost Of Compositing)

Too much of an office, but some of the feel is there.

I’m not really into the habit of journaling my dreams as I have chosen to rely on what my memory can carry without external tools and helpers. That in itself is an important thing for me. Occasionally I post something brief on Facebook – or here. But I try to do the most heavy work internally,  imprinting it into memory while it’s fresh et c.

Recently I had a rare multi-episode dream in which Robert Monroe was the star. I tried to interview him, but it never quite worked out, but this was just a short scene, which is more common for me.

The setting was in a female Facebook friend’s (Jennifer, a fellow lucid dreamer) New York attic apartment or studio with rustic stone walls, a bit like in the picture. Her husband was also there, and another woman, Laura, from the OBE community. We were sitting at a wooden table looking at and talking about the paper work that would ensure my moving to the US (!). Jennifer across the table and Laura to my right, by the window.

However, there are no such big plans at the moment, at least not on the surface although I in general think a lot of changing life in a big way like that.

Some of the papers related to work (media and consciousness) in some way. And, there were three or four A4 paper taped together into a single long piece of paper. On it, text on the topic “The real cost of compositing”.

Dream Log: New York Attic (The Real Cost Of Compositing)

Waking up from the backwards

Just some poor dream recall today but a thought, or an underlying sense that is growing. As a silver lining to anything in the 3D Earth existence that (seems to) bring one to one’s knees. Even in the midst of that, a sense of lightness seeping in. It’s increasingly present even during such moments. And I feel gratitude.

It amazes me to no end how getting into this lucid dreaming / astral projection / Out-Of-Body thingie – or process – really, actually and literally feels like – IS like – waking up from a dream. For me, a slow process. Increasingly richer. I have time.

How dense and dreamy the 3D reality can be in comparison. It is especially  during moments when one feel bogged down by heaviness of one sort or another, one is really sleeping and dreaming here.

God is having a great dream of separation to add to its knowing.

Looking back. How fundamentally backwards I had everything before, at least at a surface level – how most people get life. We are seriously lacking in education! As I don’t believe in death anymore, other than as the process of shedding the physical vehicle and as a transition into other areas of consciousness, I don’t feel robbed of my life or bitter that such a large part of it has been “lost” in states of negativity and confusion.

Waking up is awesome!

This 3D Earth reality IS less real – without putting it in a hierarchical order or making judgements of one level being better or worse than any other. Because anywhere you go – there you are. And you basically go “to” where you already are.

When this is seen, you stop projecting your issues onto others and your way of expressing responsibility is maturing. As a result, you set others free in the process. Breaking the illusions of guilt and blame, seeing that they are completely hollow.

There is nothing there…

Waking up to who you really are starts by making what you take as your dreams a priority. This will heighten your awareness both in dreams and during the day. Or, stay asleep a little while longer, before the spark finds you.

Waking up from the backwards

A summary of the Western disease

I’ve found several keys to inner calm, but often it is kind of dead without a true tribe…

Lissa is a person I’ve listened to before and I really like her, and here she manages to almost pinpoint all the stuff I’ve been processing since 2011. Charles Eisenstein for example. His book Sacred Economics is a spiritual healing experience despite what the words “economics” in the title might suggest.

A summary of the Western disease

Losing identification


A very energetic night. Strobing or flickering lights as soon as I closed my eyes. Again I wonder why? Where does it come from? Who turns on/off the light? Checked moon phase and it’s third quarter. It doesn’t reveal much – if anything at all.

Although I had been meditating quite heavily (but I’ve done it many times without specific results) it’s as if a receptiveness is turned on or phased into. In periods I can’t even begin to penetrate the topics or subjects I easily swim in during other periods. It’s as if there are more than one awareness inhabiting a physical body with different levels of access. Not like taking turns with clear and sharp edges to how it feels but still. It’s strange that sometimes certain information, or a certain way of processing reality, is ultra clear and at other times I don’t even know what it is. Like a struggle between the urge to stay normal and the pressure to evolve. For now these two sides are at odds with each other and not at all i sync. I consider this strong polarized tension to be a defining trait with me.

Anyway, all day I had been quite deep into existential issues, actively questioning the most fundamental identifications in an ongoing effort to make space for a broader multidimensional awareness, developing it and keeping it alive and present at all times. Before bedtime I stumbled on a piece of text that was just about that. In other words the stage was set so perhaps I shouldn’t be so surprised after all but rather just enjoy what might be a small victory along the way toward my goal.

The dream

Fluctuating between an unconscious dreamy quality and a vivid dream, I was somewhere in the Gothenburg harbor. In the water… That was – in the dream – shallow enough in some places to walk around in. Dreaminess kicked in and I could therefore not retrieve my jacket that had all what we consider essential to our everyday lives, such as wallet, keys and phone. Identifications that perhaps define us much more than we recognize. So losing all these felt rather serious, and a nervousness and a feeling of having lost it all came over me. Finally it was retrieved with all possessions still in place.

In retrospect it is abundantly clear that it’s about identifications in general that prevents us from seeing a larger picture. Keeping us grounded in that fear of losing the items that anchors us to the life we experience most of the time. The 3D sensory realm.

Along the way I also met a friend whom I’ve cut ties with. He pops up from time to time and it’s always about reconciliation but I’m not ready for that, nor willing. I know the same issues will keep coming back and I don’t have the energy for it.


In life I’ve always had a “weak” sense of identity. A wallflower in a sense. Or an observer. It has troubled me greatly since this is the last thing that is premiered in our culture and so it has brought me much personal pain and confusion along the way. That is luckily changing and has been doing so over the course of the last few years. When I don’t respond to others egos it is the place from where to see things much clearer but man, has it generated a strong pattern of feeling insecure and unworthy. It will still take a long time (it seems) to recover despite knowing more what has happened and what is in play. There’s not a lot around to support me. In fact there is more working against it, than for the healing to take place. No one else to see it, know it. Least of all understand it and actively support it. I miss it so much…

No wonder I prefer being alone over feeling conflicted and weakened over and over again in settings  with individuals who has no clue what is going on. That’s what you get for having 100% counter cultural goals in life. But if I had to choose again, I’d rather walk alone. But I’d sure love to be around my own kind too…

On identification, and developing what my dream really was headed toward, I really love this talk by Harvard Professor, Ram Dass aka Richard Alpert:

Losing identification